By Keith | Published: Wednesday, November 11, 2009
8:17am I get out of bed and walk maybe three steps. Get back into bed. Remember that today is a holiday. Forget which one.
8:48am Notice my hands. Think that they are odd-looking, but realize that, in general, so are most hands. Remember that Vince once said I should be a hand model. Wonder what prompted him to say this.
8:51am In the bathroom, notice that there is a line of identical streaks on the mirror about 3 inches apart created by some fluid dripping down it (the mirror). They descend from left to right. Not sure what to make of this.
9:27am Still in bed. Just read about 30 pages of S. Manguso’s The Two Kinds of Decay. Realize part way through that it is due back to the SPL tomorrow.
9:29am I am writing this in my paper journal which is called LEUCHTTURM1917. I have labelled this entry Live “Blogging” Today. Decide that should I choose to post this to my actual blog, a more appropriate title for that medium would be “Live” Blogging Today.
9:55am Realize that the date is 11/11. Think, “Make a wish!” Next immediately discernible urge is to punch myself in the face.
9:58am Listening to St. Vincent. Realize her music reminds me of you. Then realize pretty much everything reminds me of you. Feel pathetic.
10:19am Respond politely to a snarky email from an SU English department professor and supervisor of my internship which itself (her email) was a response to a polite logistical question re my internship. Feel that people in a position of power over others should not be allowed to be rude and snarky to the people over whom they are given power. Realize that pretty much anyone can treat anyone else however they like with very little fear of repercussion.
11:36am Finally got out of bed, showered and dressed. Now that I’ve been moving around, realize that I am sick and not feeling well. Also, the toilet in my apartment is leaking and we have to call the landlord.
11:58am While eating breakfast, realize that it really is the most important meal. Also, that turkey bacon is less flavorful and more flaccid than its slightly more disgusting and unhealthy counterpart.
1:01pm Remember that my coworker yesterday suggested I start a blog based on my experiences with the cute baristas at the coffee shop in my building. Realize exactly how afraid I am of rejection.
2:15pm Hear roommate and super asian girlfriend downstairs being that idiotically cute that some couples often are. Realize I’m simultaneously spiteful and jealous of stupid, cute couples.
2:25pm Wonder how weird it would feel to walk out my front door in Seattle and somehow end up outside the front door of my parents house in Massachusetts. Decided to go for a walk.
3:11pm The Westlake Mall entrance smells like sunscreen. Realize I have a memory connected to the odor, but can’t discern what it is.
3:14pm Texting back and forth with her, I begin to wonder if there’s any amount of talking that will ever fix anything. Realize I’ve become very aware of the limitations of language.
3:46pm Begin to wonder if female canvassers try to rope me in to sell me stuff because visibly I look desperate.
3:51pm Two thin high school aged girls overtake me on the sidewalk. I thought I was walking quickly, but apparently not as quickly as they were. Realize that as I get older my curiosity turns to suspicion, my affection turns to cynicism and yeah, I start to walk more slowly. Later, a greezy dude with red hair and beard stares at them (the girls) on the street, then turns to me and says, “Damn! Too young!”
9:09pm Realized, for about the Nth time in my life, that “a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded.” And no matter how often I read that sentence, I will always live my life against it’s truth at some point. Also that, no matter what, DFW’s words will always, in every situation, be true to some deep emotional core.
11:36pm Going to bed feeling a little better than I have in months. Realize that if I communicated that effectively with everyone (and her specifically) all the time, that my amount of problems would be significantly reduced. Alas.
A Series of Realizations
8:17am I get out of bed and walk maybe three steps. Get back into bed. Remember that today is a holiday. Forget which one.
8:48am Notice my hands. Think that they are odd-looking, but realize that, in general, so are most hands. Remember that Vince once said I should be a hand model. Wonder what prompted him to say this.
8:51am In the bathroom, notice that there is a line of identical streaks on the mirror about 3 inches apart created by some fluid dripping down it (the mirror). They descend from left to right. Not sure what to make of this.
9:27am Still in bed. Just read about 30 pages of S. Manguso’s The Two Kinds of Decay. Realize part way through that it is due back to the SPL tomorrow.
9:29am I am writing this in my paper journal which is called LEUCHTTURM1917. I have labelled this entry Live “Blogging” Today. Decide that should I choose to post this to my actual blog, a more appropriate title for that medium would be “Live” Blogging Today.
9:55am Realize that the date is 11/11. Think, “Make a wish!” Next immediately discernible urge is to punch myself in the face.
9:58am Listening to St. Vincent. Realize her music reminds me of you. Then realize pretty much everything reminds me of you. Feel pathetic.
10:19am Respond politely to a snarky email from an SU English department professor and supervisor of my internship which itself (her email) was a response to a polite logistical question re my internship. Feel that people in a position of power over others should not be allowed to be rude and snarky to the people over whom they are given power. Realize that pretty much anyone can treat anyone else however they like with very little fear of repercussion.
11:36am Finally got out of bed, showered and dressed. Now that I’ve been moving around, realize that I am sick and not feeling well. Also, the toilet in my apartment is leaking and we have to call the landlord.
11:58am While eating breakfast, realize that it really is the most important meal. Also, that turkey bacon is less flavorful and more flaccid than its slightly more disgusting and unhealthy counterpart.
1:01pm Remember that my coworker yesterday suggested I start a blog based on my experiences with the cute baristas at the coffee shop in my building. Realize exactly how afraid I am of rejection.
2:15pm Hear roommate and super asian girlfriend downstairs being that idiotically cute that some couples often are. Realize I’m simultaneously spiteful and jealous of stupid, cute couples.
2:25pm Wonder how weird it would feel to walk out my front door in Seattle and somehow end up outside the front door of my parents house in Massachusetts. Decided to go for a walk.
3:11pm The Westlake Mall entrance smells like sunscreen. Realize I have a memory connected to the odor, but can’t discern what it is.
3:14pm Texting back and forth with her, I begin to wonder if there’s any amount of talking that will ever fix anything. Realize I’ve become very aware of the limitations of language.
3:46pm Begin to wonder if female canvassers try to rope me in to sell me stuff because visibly I look desperate.
3:51pm Two thin high school aged girls overtake me on the sidewalk. I thought I was walking quickly, but apparently not as quickly as they were. Realize that as I get older my curiosity turns to suspicion, my affection turns to cynicism and yeah, I start to walk more slowly. Later, a greezy dude with red hair and beard stares at them (the girls) on the street, then turns to me and says, “Damn! Too young!”
9:09pm Realized, for about the Nth time in my life, that “a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded.” And no matter how often I read that sentence, I will always live my life against it’s truth at some point. Also that, no matter what, DFW’s words will always, in every situation, be true to some deep emotional core.
11:36pm Going to bed feeling a little better than I have in months. Realize that if I communicated that effectively with everyone (and her specifically) all the time, that my amount of problems would be significantly reduced. Alas.