I grabbed the pills—I don’t know what for; I hadn’t planned to do anything with them. Or maybe I had and just didn’t know it yet—and started to move towards the door. But she got there first. For her petite frame, she was much stronger than she appeared. I tried forcibly to move her out of the way, but couldn’t. Get out of the way, I whispered, conscious of the presence of the neighbors, but raggedly, in a way that attempted to convey the urgency of my desire to leave. But she wouldn’t. She knew all too well what I was capable of and what I was not and she knew that I would not hurt her to get what I wanted.
I ran back upstairs, not because I was giving up, but because I realized I did not have my keys with me. That got her out of the way of the door long enough for me to slip past and out. But once I was outside, I had no direction. I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going or what I actually wanted. I got a block from the house and stopped. I started to cry. I looked in both directions, then started back towards the house.
When I got there she was on the phone, slightly frantic. I had tears streaming down my face. I threw the pills on the floor in her room and said I was sorry, then I left again. She hung up the phone and chased after me, down the stairs and out the door. But I was already off the porch. She called my name and I stopped and turned. She was blurry because of the tears, as if everything was melting.
She stood in the doorway and she said, “I still care.”
Me, Too
I grabbed the pills—I don’t know what for; I hadn’t planned to do anything with them. Or maybe I had and just didn’t know it yet—and started to move towards the door. But she got there first. For her petite frame, she was much stronger than she appeared. I tried forcibly to move her out of the way, but couldn’t. Get out of the way, I whispered, conscious of the presence of the neighbors, but raggedly, in a way that attempted to convey the urgency of my desire to leave. But she wouldn’t. She knew all too well what I was capable of and what I was not and she knew that I would not hurt her to get what I wanted.
I ran back upstairs, not because I was giving up, but because I realized I did not have my keys with me. That got her out of the way of the door long enough for me to slip past and out. But once I was outside, I had no direction. I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going or what I actually wanted. I got a block from the house and stopped. I started to cry. I looked in both directions, then started back towards the house.
When I got there she was on the phone, slightly frantic. I had tears streaming down my face. I threw the pills on the floor in her room and said I was sorry, then I left again. She hung up the phone and chased after me, down the stairs and out the door. But I was already off the porch. She called my name and I stopped and turned. She was blurry because of the tears, as if everything was melting.
She stood in the doorway and she said, “I still care.”
“Me, too,” I said, and left.